I heard we made out
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
