So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
