SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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