I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
