This is not my ceiling
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
