She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
