she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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