i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
