Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
