My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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