why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
