I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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