She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she smelled like a LAN party
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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