dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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