I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
