when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
That accounts for only three of the penises
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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