Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
