I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
