we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
