I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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