there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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