You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
