In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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