I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My liver just had a heart attack.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
