My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize