She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
