Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
