Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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