You really coming over, don't trick.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
