I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
