Can Purell be used as lube?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
