Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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