remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
