shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
