why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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