I wish my penis had an off switch
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I said "one day" and that day is not today
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
