If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
