sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
