Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Found your dick twin last night
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
