"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
