My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
