You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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