so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
