and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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