ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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