he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
