That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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