I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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