my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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