He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize