real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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