oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
