I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize