Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize