make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
