If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize