SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
