so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
