Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
