pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
