She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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