I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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