i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
