So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
