Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
