Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
