Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
