You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
