You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
