Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
