I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
