i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
