I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
