If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
