Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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