Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
