Sponge bath it is.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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