I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
