Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
