My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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