Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I love having hate sex.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
