Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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