i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
