ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
