when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
