I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
