Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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