My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
