But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
