I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
