??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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