My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
