How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
