conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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