just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
