I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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